Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
