I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
no, he came in my armpit
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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