i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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