also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
