I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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