dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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