I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
