i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
