I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
