you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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