can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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