woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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