so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
