i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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