Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
