Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
