it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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