those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
