ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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