We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
