So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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