I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
