i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
