That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
