i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
