hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
