can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
