I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
