Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
