I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
