I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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