we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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