I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
