garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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