i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
barbara walters just said penis...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
