So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
