i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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