Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
