Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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