I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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