last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
