every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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