look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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