"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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