He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
