The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
