ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
