and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
