She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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