It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
