I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i will never coherently bang her
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
