My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
