Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
