I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
