I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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