Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
