if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize