So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
