it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
