I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
