No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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