Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
