I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
