It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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