Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
