Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
