I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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