New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
