You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Randomize
