My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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