Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
