I cockslap morals
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
