Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
