Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
