i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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