this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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