what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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