His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
