O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize