i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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