Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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