He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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