TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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