I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it's like iHOP with fire
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
