Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
