Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
