I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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