your room smells of hookers.
And success
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
