You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
