Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
