Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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