remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
