At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
areolas are like halos for boobs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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