never play flip cup with pint glasses
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
