I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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