i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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