I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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