worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
