And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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