Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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