It's Friday. Sex?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Someone signed my nipple.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
