and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
