So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he fucked my hip out of place.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize