Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
