So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
