Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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