remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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