Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
