we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
