I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
