I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
