mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
