he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
