have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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