My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
