You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
