My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize